" it hurts to breathe."
"i will tell you that you will breathe again,without it hurting"
♥ GINNY&CALEB, Falling Through Darkness.

when the hearts still bleeding,
and the minds still questioning.
i cant find space to breathe for i cant even find myself.

firstly,
yes, im single now.
forget about having the NO. 1 man in my life.
now i am me myself and my NO.1 MAN
are my girlfriends and all the people who manage to make me smile
whatever the circumstances.
its long over and i really had expected it,k not.
though it comes without a warning and it hit me like some earthquake
and manage to break my heart into teeny tiny pieces, im bracing myself.
at least,well.
im still alive.
and thats good enough right?
im not gonna cry a thousand nights,
until i cry blood.
im not gonna hate him, nor myself.
or whoever and whatever.
im not gonna look like im dying on the inside.
im not gonna make it look like i've suffered too much.
those times are so long over.
its already bad enough i am now alone,well not literally,facing this heartbreaking catastrophe.
and bad enough i cried for a little while.
its not like i dont caree, its just that, life will feel different without him.
and i have O levels to worry about.
and im trying THAT harddd to shove this things awary.
this are part of distractions.
so, lets not make things worst now.
im moving on.
and im fine.(:
well,at least i think i am.
and boy,dont forget the 19 months,and me and memories of yesterday.

enough said.
life is NICE to me now.
very very nice.
did you know i manage to contact back ONE of my primary school friend.
or is it BEST FRIEND.
haha, Syairazi la(:
alaaa~
that guy la yang everywhere got me got him, haha.
sounds wrong.
well we used to be th same class, same CCA,(track and field k? not Red Cross, i have two CCAs back then) same group in some projectworks. haha.(:
friends mahhh(:
he like very nonsense la.
make joke like no ones business.
met him on saturaday anw.
time flagg dayy(:
haha, it was niceeeeeee that saturday.

like i said.
life has been NICE to me, this whole week.
well almost this whole week since today is wednesday. (:
eep!
CSI MIAMI later on!(:
haha, nonsense.
can 4D get any more funny by day?
haha, yesterday was a niceyniceynicenice dayyy.
during LiVE lesson,well most of us SHOULD remember what happen(:
"pasir nenek kebayaaan"
go figure.

oh yea.
Sunday was niceniceniceynicey too!
reminiscing with Amani and Fazleeeeeen!(:
primary school days.
zamanzaman kental dahulu kalaaaa.
talk over Instant Noodles, Slurpeee and Fann Choyy.
haha, nice la kaaaaaan? (:
kan fazleen kan?
kan amani?
haha, cari gaduh ngan bangla ehhh.
andand theres one convo and Fazleen just went.
"dont fight with one of his own kind"
haha, and theres burst and explosion of laughters.(:
and TER-spit of instant nooodles to fazleens feet+shoe.(:
ehh i like that wordddd.
EXPLOSION OF LAUGHTERS.
aahhhh~
:D

ohhh.
im addicted to this songggggggg.
Janji-janjimu by Aryl Suerylski.

Sejak ku mengenali mu,
Wajah mu selalu dimata ku,
Ku berikan sepenuh hati ku,
Kepada mu oh kekasih ku,
Tapi kau meninggalkan aku...

Kesepian malam ini,
Membuatku teringat kembali,
Memori indah kita bersama,
Tak mudah ku melupakannya,
Untuk selama-lamanya...

Kau pergi tanpa kata-kata,
Ku fikir hanya untuk seketika,
Rupanya kau meninggalkan ku,
Untuk selamanya...

Tak ingin ku melepaskan mu,
Kerna kau masih dihatiku,
Pulanglah wahai kekasih ku,
Jangan tinggal kan aku..


Sinaran dimata mu,
Dan alunan merdu suara mu,
Ku menantikan semua itu,
Datang kembali kepada ku,
Seperti dahulu..

Keresahan dihatiku,
Pabila memikirkan dirimu,
Kembalilah kepada diriku,
Sudi ku menerima mu,
Membina hidup baru...

Dimanakah setiamu,
Dimanakah janjimu,
Kau berjanji sehidup-semati,
Mengapa kini kau mungkiri,
Janji-janji mu kasih....

somehow, it suits me.
my situation now.
and somehow i want him to know this.
whatever message this song convey.
i just want him to know.
i dont know why.
but i swear, its not to make him feel baddd.(: